As I ran out the door this morning, late for a dentist appointment, I heard my husband tell Boy, "you can count by 3s or by 6s." I cringed. I knew the problem was 6x3. 6 groups of 3. Six little ponds with 3 little fish in each one. So far Boy has learned to identify how many groups and then count by the amount inside each group. None of this outside the box thinking. One concept at a time. I yelled as the door closed behind me, "Don't confuse him!"
I don't even know if my husband heard me. I hope he didn't. Because what I was really screaming is, "YOU don't know how to teach MY son! I know best!" One of the hardest things for the parent doing the teaching is letting go sometimes. It's part of why a lot of us homeschool to begin with. We want a certain amount of control over how and what our children are learning. Like the (well meaning) dictators we can so easily become, we get out of control.
I have tried to encourage my husband to be more actively involved in Boy's educations. When the husband is home, we ask him to read history out loud. I encourage him to teach Boy practical life skills. Boy reads to him each night. I show the husband all the new curricula I'm considering and ask his opinion. Mostly, I get the same response...
"How much is it? (Can you put a price on education? Well, yes, yes you can and it's not cheap.)
Regardless, the last thing I want to do is send the message that his helping with school is unwanted. That he can't do it because he's not me. Sure, he may do it differently than me. Perhaps Boy could benefit from thinking that is different than mine. Perhaps Boy will benefit from seeing how cool Daddy looks doing math. (I mean, Boy's life goal is to be just like his Daddy.)
Perhaps the world won't end if things aren't done MY way.
I have trained my self over the last 9 and a half years to not go behind my husband, "fixing" things that he has done. Who puts cups in the dishwasher that way? That is most definitely not how towels are folded. That is not the washcloth we use in the kitchen. Blah, blah, blah. Who wants to be nagged and discouraged by the person who is suppose to love them most? I still occasionally give him that smug, annoying look that clearly says, "If you had listened to me..." and then I realize that at that moment I don't even like me.
But more important than household chores, I want him to know he has something to offer when it comes to our son's education. I want him to know how much it means to this family that he is there and engaged. How happy we are to have his point of view and skills as resources in our daily life.
By the way, math was done and correct by the time I got home.
Practical ways to not push your husband away from the school room:
1. Stop correcting. He's a smart man. If I've learned anything over the past few years of marriage, it's that my husband need time to formulate his thoughts. They are amazing, valuable thoughts and therefore, take some time to put into words. We wives just have to hush long enough to let them think and let them speak.
2. Tell him how awesome he is. Tell him how valuable his skills are. Everyone has something to offer. Even better, tell him how awesome he is in front of the children! My husband is good at so many things that I'm not good at and if HE doesn't teach our son those things, no one will.
3. Don't expect him to do it like you. Guess what, if the dishes aren't in the dishwasher EACTLY the way your put the in there...they still get clean. If you want him to keep helping, let him do it his way and do not go behind him and do it again. Annoying much?
4. Ask him for help. "I'm struggling to get little Bob to understand this concept, any ideas?" You might be surprised how much little Bob thinks like his daddy.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Accepting the Challenge.
Reasons I accepted the challenge:
1. Religion.
No, we are not skirt-wearing-leave-room-for-the-Holy-Spirit Bible toters. However, I firmly believe in including God in all aspects of the life He gave us, including school. I want prayer and the Bible to be as much apart of my son's education as reading and math. You may ask, why not teach him your religion after school? How do you tell your child to trust their teacher about some things (Math, Reading, etc...) but not about other things (Science, History, etc...)? Being a Christian is not part time. I want my son to learn about His Creator and then make a choice about what He believes.
2. Time.
Spending time together as a family is very important to me. Being involved in each other's lives is something I hold as a top priority. When I went to public school, my schedule did not include very much family bonding. Wake up, bus, school, bus, homework, dinner, bath, bed (rinse and repeat). After I started being homeschooled in middle school, I was able to spend hours creating memories with my mom and siblings. I had time to pursuit interests that I want to. I want the same for my son. I want to be involved in his life. I want him to have time for his interests.
3. Choices.
Anyone with a child in public school knows that choices are limited. You don't get to slow down the class if your child is struggling to keep up. You don't get to accelerate the class if your child is bored silly. You don't get to change the subject the class is learning to pursuit a sudden interest in space or farm equipment.
4. Socialization!
I know, I know, homeschoolers are weird and unsocialized! So why on earth would I have that dirty word as one of my reasons? Because my son spends an ample amount of time with children and adults of all ages and walks of life. He doesn't just learn how to fit in but how to be part of a community and love the people he meets. He learns from his elders, peers, and juniors. His social life isn't limited to the people in his class but instead, the people he meets in the world. And the best part, there is adult supervision to guide the children to keep them from being their worst selves (you know, bullies. Because anyone can be a bully without the proper guidance and supervision). Oh I know, children need to learn to work out their own problems...because that is working so well in public school. Children need to be held accountable and supervised by the people responsible for them.
Ok, that's all I've got. I'm not perfect. I don't believe I am more qualified than trained teachers. I don't believe I know everything. But I am an expert in one area. I am an expert in all things "bOy". There is no one in the world who cares about my son's education as I do. I have so much respect and love for teachers. I do not believe that they are paid enough, respected enough, or supported enough. The are the most valuable members of our society and deserve so much honor. However, for my family at this point in our lives, I feel led to teach my own son.
1. Religion.
No, we are not skirt-wearing-leave-room-for-the-Holy-Spirit Bible toters. However, I firmly believe in including God in all aspects of the life He gave us, including school. I want prayer and the Bible to be as much apart of my son's education as reading and math. You may ask, why not teach him your religion after school? How do you tell your child to trust their teacher about some things (Math, Reading, etc...) but not about other things (Science, History, etc...)? Being a Christian is not part time. I want my son to learn about His Creator and then make a choice about what He believes.
2. Time.
Spending time together as a family is very important to me. Being involved in each other's lives is something I hold as a top priority. When I went to public school, my schedule did not include very much family bonding. Wake up, bus, school, bus, homework, dinner, bath, bed (rinse and repeat). After I started being homeschooled in middle school, I was able to spend hours creating memories with my mom and siblings. I had time to pursuit interests that I want to. I want the same for my son. I want to be involved in his life. I want him to have time for his interests.
3. Choices.
Anyone with a child in public school knows that choices are limited. You don't get to slow down the class if your child is struggling to keep up. You don't get to accelerate the class if your child is bored silly. You don't get to change the subject the class is learning to pursuit a sudden interest in space or farm equipment.
4. Socialization!
I know, I know, homeschoolers are weird and unsocialized! So why on earth would I have that dirty word as one of my reasons? Because my son spends an ample amount of time with children and adults of all ages and walks of life. He doesn't just learn how to fit in but how to be part of a community and love the people he meets. He learns from his elders, peers, and juniors. His social life isn't limited to the people in his class but instead, the people he meets in the world. And the best part, there is adult supervision to guide the children to keep them from being their worst selves (you know, bullies. Because anyone can be a bully without the proper guidance and supervision). Oh I know, children need to learn to work out their own problems...because that is working so well in public school. Children need to be held accountable and supervised by the people responsible for them.
Ok, that's all I've got. I'm not perfect. I don't believe I am more qualified than trained teachers. I don't believe I know everything. But I am an expert in one area. I am an expert in all things "bOy". There is no one in the world who cares about my son's education as I do. I have so much respect and love for teachers. I do not believe that they are paid enough, respected enough, or supported enough. The are the most valuable members of our society and deserve so much honor. However, for my family at this point in our lives, I feel led to teach my own son.
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