As I ran out the door this morning, late for a dentist appointment, I heard my husband tell Boy, "you can count by 3s or by 6s." I cringed. I knew the problem was 6x3. 6 groups of 3. Six little ponds with 3 little fish in each one. So far Boy has learned to identify how many groups and then count by the amount inside each group. None of this outside the box thinking. One concept at a time. I yelled as the door closed behind me, "Don't confuse him!"
I don't even know if my husband heard me. I hope he didn't. Because what I was really screaming is, "YOU don't know how to teach MY son! I know best!" One of the hardest things for the parent doing the teaching is letting go sometimes. It's part of why a lot of us homeschool to begin with. We want a certain amount of control over how and what our children are learning. Like the (well meaning) dictators we can so easily become, we get out of control.
I have tried to encourage my husband to be more actively involved in Boy's educations. When the husband is home, we ask him to read history out loud. I encourage him to teach Boy practical life skills. Boy reads to him each night. I show the husband all the new curricula I'm considering and ask his opinion. Mostly, I get the same response...
"How much is it? (Can you put a price on education? Well, yes, yes you can and it's not cheap.)
Regardless, the last thing I want to do is send the message that his helping with school is unwanted. That he can't do it because he's not me. Sure, he may do it differently than me. Perhaps Boy could benefit from thinking that is different than mine. Perhaps Boy will benefit from seeing how cool Daddy looks doing math. (I mean, Boy's life goal is to be just like his Daddy.)
Perhaps the world won't end if things aren't done MY way.
I have trained my self over the last 9 and a half years to not go behind my husband, "fixing" things that he has done. Who puts cups in the dishwasher that way? That is most definitely not how towels are folded. That is not the washcloth we use in the kitchen. Blah, blah, blah. Who wants to be nagged and discouraged by the person who is suppose to love them most? I still occasionally give him that smug, annoying look that clearly says, "If you had listened to me..." and then I realize that at that moment I don't even like me.
But more important than household chores, I want him to know he has something to offer when it comes to our son's education. I want him to know how much it means to this family that he is there and engaged. How happy we are to have his point of view and skills as resources in our daily life.
By the way, math was done and correct by the time I got home.
Practical ways to not push your husband away from the school room:
1. Stop correcting. He's a smart man. If I've learned anything over the past few years of marriage, it's that my husband need time to formulate his thoughts. They are amazing, valuable thoughts and therefore, take some time to put into words. We wives just have to hush long enough to let them think and let them speak.
2. Tell him how awesome he is. Tell him how valuable his skills are. Everyone has something to offer. Even better, tell him how awesome he is in front of the children! My husband is good at so many things that I'm not good at and if HE doesn't teach our son those things, no one will.
3. Don't expect him to do it like you. Guess what, if the dishes aren't in the dishwasher EACTLY the way your put the in there...they still get clean. If you want him to keep helping, let him do it his way and do not go behind him and do it again. Annoying much?
4. Ask him for help. "I'm struggling to get little Bob to understand this concept, any ideas?" You might be surprised how much little Bob thinks like his daddy.
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